The Quote That Hit When I Needed It Most

Read time: 6 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has improved an aspect of my life.

Hey friends,

This one’s going to be a little different. Less polished story, more journal entry.

I originally started writing these newsletters to process my thoughts and because our memories are unreliable. I wanted a place to capture thoughts in real time so I could better understand them, and look back one day to remember who I was, what I felt, and how far I’ve come.

That original intention feels especially important right now.

I considered keeping this story in my journal. But one of the unexpected gifts of sharing publicly has been the replies from readers who resonate. I’ve learned that no matter how unique an experience feels, someone else is usually walking through something similar. And if my story helps even one person feel a little less alone, it’s worth sharing.

I needed to write this one for me, but maybe it’s for someone else too.

The past month has been a whirlwind.

I’ve been on the road nonstop. Maryland, Florida, San Francisco, and Arizona. My business doubled from 3 clients to 8. I hosted a 70-person event for GoBundance here in Austin. I’ve got five unfinished drafts of stories I’ve wanted to share in this newsletter... but I just haven’t prioritized the time or had the energy to finish them.

But today, I needed to get this one out.

Last week started with the GoBundance event. I’ve been part of that community for a few years now, and in that room, I was a leader. People came up to me asking about my journey of leaving my job, starting my business, and writing publicly. They wanted to learn how to best take advantage of the community. It was fun catching up with old friends and I felt comfortable.

Then, two days later, I flew to Arizona for a leadership summit hosted by Ryan Hawk.

I didn’t know a single person in the room.

For two days, 30 of us sat around tables set up in a U shape. Everyone there had an impressive resume. There were best-selling authors, founders of multi-million dollar companies, guys who flew in on private jets. Ryan himself is a podcast host who’s interviewed people like Tony Robbins, James Clear, and Seth Godin.

I was the youngest, least experienced person there.

Still, I showed up curious and as myself. I’ve flown across the country to be in rooms like that before. So while my palms and armpits were soaked with sweat walking into the opening reception, I knew I’d be okay.

The theme of the summit was “At Your Best.” And I came ready to grow. With my business scaling quickly, I was thinking about how to delegate smarter, lead better, and build stronger systems. I was there to talk business.

That’s when Ed Latimore walked in.

Ryan introduced him as a surprise guest: pro boxer, military background, best selling author, physicist, chess master.

His name sounded familiar. Then it hit me.

A year and a half ago (about a year after my last relationship ended), I listened to a podcast where Ed was the guest. I remember exactly where I was: lifting weights at a Lifetime in Plano, Texas. His perspective resonated with me deeply. I kept stopping my workout to jot down notes.

One quote stuck more than the rest. The host asked Ed about his view on relationships:

“My high-level view of relationships is that it’s better to build a life and bring a person into it than it is to try and build a life around a person.”

I stopped my workout. Chills immediately went down my spine.

It had been over a year since the breakup with my ex-fiancé, but Ed’s quote made me view the breakup in a new light. I had built my entire life around someone else. Where we lived, what job I stayed in, the risks I didn’t take, were all based on her path, not mine.

At the time, that’s what I thought love looked like.

Since that day, that quote planted a seed. It changed how I thought about relationships. But it wasn’t until this past week that I truly felt its weight again.

On Friday afternoon, after the summit ended, I was boarding a flight when I got a call from my best friend.

He wanted me to hear something directly from him. It was news about my ex-fiancé that I wouldn’t have known about because I’m not on social media.

The betrayal wasn’t new. But the wound reopened.

Suddenly, all the emotions I thought I’d processed—the hurt, the disbelief, the anger—came rushing back.

And I felt it: the tight chest, the shallow breathing, the spiral starting. I’ve had a panic attack on a plane before. I know how that story goes.

But this time, I did something different.

I walked up to the gate agent and calmly asked if I could be rebooked for a later flight. It was against their policy, but after speaking with a supervisor and explaining the situation, they rebooked me without a charge. I spent the next two and a half hours in that airport crying, calling friends and family, and letting myself feel it all.

Then I boarded the next flight, composed and grounded.

Because I wasn’t going to let the shit from my past stop me from continuing to live the life I’ve built.

Here’s what I’ve realized in the days since:

I made a lot of mistakes in that relationship. I was so focused on what was best for us—where we should live, how to stay stable, what she needed—that I stopped asking what I needed. I wasn’t building a life for myself. I was building around her.

The red flags were there, but I couldn’t see them. She was good at hiding how she felt, and I was too focused on keeping things together to notice what was falling apart.

She once told me, “I just wish you knew how I felt when I walked in the room. I want someone who just understands me.”

For a long time, I blamed myself for not knowing, for missing her pain, and for not reading her body language better.

But now I know better: nobody can read minds. There’s no such thing as just knowing how someone feels. Relationships require direct, honest communication. If something’s off, you have to speak it out loud. Otherwise, it festers.

Looking back, it’s hard to admit, but if she hadn’t blindsided me, I probably wouldn’t have walked away.

I would’ve kept compromising. Kept suppressing my own wants.. Kept building around her.

So as much as it hurt…her blindsiding me was the best thing that ever happened to me.

It forced me to start over.

And this time, I’m doing it right.

I moved to Austin because I wanted to be outside year-round. I wanted to be surrounded by creators, founders, people who light up when you tell them what you’re working on. I started my business. I embraced the chaos of entrepreneurship. I built routines I love.

When I met my current girlfriend, I didn’t try to become who I thought she wanted. I was just me—adventurous, spontaneous, goofy, awkward. In our first year together, I climbed mountains, showed her the highs and lows of building a business, booked last-minute flights, and awkwardly missed opportunities to kiss her on our early dates.

And she accepted me for all of it.

She even booked a last-minute trip to Cabo with me, even though she’s the kind of person who normally books travel six months out. She didn’t do it because I pressured her. She did it because she wanted to be part of the life I was already living.

This isn’t to say that relationships don’t require sacrifice, because they most certainly do. But I’ve learned that those sacrifices shouldn’t force you to become someone you’re not or go against your core values.

We’re different. She’s not an entrepreneur. But she respects what I’m building. She accepts the ups and downs. And she brings her own passions to the table. We’re both building lives we believe in and choosing to walk them together.

That’s the difference.

So when I was sitting in the airport, waiting to hop on my rebooked flight, Ed’s quote reminded me of how far I’ve come.

It reminded me that I didn’t just survive the worst pain of my life…

I used it as fuel to learn, to grow, and to design something better for my life.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew