A New Take on Being Bored

Read time: 6 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives Tuesday Tale, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has helped improve an aspect of my life.

For 12 weeks from January - March, I was never in the same place for more than 7 days.

• Auckland for New Year’s Eve

• Whangārei Heads, New Zealand for 5 nights in a secluded cabin

• Houston for the National Championship…fresh off a 16 hour flight

• Dallas to pick up my car and move out of my apartment

• Austin to move into my new house

• Tampa for my buddy’s bachelor party

• Maryland to celebrate my birthday

• New York and New Jersey to visit friends and family just because

• Miami for my buddy’s wedding

• Palm Beach to visit my aunt and uncle

• Austin weekend with my sister

All while training for my Ironman 70.3.

It was an exciting time. I always had something to look forward to. Seeing friends and family. Going to beautiful places. Seeing my Wolverines win it all!

I had just finished up a solo trip to Australia & New Zealand after quitting my job. My intention wasn’t to go to the other side of the world to “find myself” but instead I just wanted to do cool shit, meet cool people, and enjoy life. After 6 weeks, I was ready to come home and “figure out what was next”.

During my time abroad, the days went by slowly. I’d wake up with no alarm and a rough idea of what I wanted to do that day. Some days it was going on a hike, checking out a new neighborhood, or spending a day at the beach. I’d let the days unfold and do whatever I felt like in the moment. This led to some awesome memories of hanging out with kangaroos, going to a cricket match, and driving Land Cruisers on the beach.

I didn’t have to worry about cramming everything I needed to do into my 16 hour days. Phone calls, meetings, gym, laundry, groceries, social events, networking events. I could stroll out of my hostel in Sydney for a run without any specific time or distance in mind. When I got tired, I stopped and walked. I popped into a coffee shop. I sat by the water. I journaled. I read my book. There was nowhere I had to be or anything I had to do.

That was my life for 6 weeks.

But when I got back to the US, suddenly I was back to my old ways of having places I needed to be and having things I needed to do. While my plans were fun things that I chose to participate in, they were plans nonetheless.

There seems to be this unspoken pressure in our culture that to “have our shit together”, we must have a plan. Socially it’s important to have the next trip planned, friends’ birthday celebrations, and things to do on the weekend. Professionally, we have the next certification, the conference, networking event, and business trip.

I used to feel this pressure when I first moved to Austin and would meet new people on a date or at a meetup. On several occasions, someone would ask me what I was doing that upcoming weekend and if I didn’t have plans, I would lie. I would make up some random plans for part of the weekend that I was playing golf or seeing a movie with a “friend”. When in reality I had no plans.

I was embarrassed about not having plans. Not knowing what I was going to do. Not having anyone to spend my time with.

Why did I feel like I needed to have something to do? Or people to be with?

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On a Thursday night a few weeks ago, I went on a date. We grabbed a smoothie at Juice Land and walked around Lady Bird Lake. We had a great time and I wanted to see her again. In the past, I would get in my own head.

Well, it’s already Thursday, I should probably have plans this weekend with friends. I don’t want to come across as desperate so I should ask her to meet up next week.

But I ignored all of that.

I didn’t care what it looked like. I haven’t had any travel plans for the past month and have been intentional about not having plans. I don’t have to be in Australia to slow my life down. I can wake up on a Saturday and just see where my days take me.

She didn’t have plans that weekend either so we got dinner and ice cream two days later. It was exactly how I would want to spend a Saturday night.

Not having my days, weeks, and months planned out in advance leaves space. Space for spontaneity. Space for doing what I actually want in the moment and not something I committed to a month ago. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have my shit together or no friends to hang out with.

But there’s a flip side. Sometimes fun things pop up like a date or last minute tee time and other times they don’t. Last weekend I found myself with nothing to do and I got bored.

Being bored is another feeling that for a long time, I saw as only negative.

Being bored is a waste of time. I should be doing something. Work, laundry, grocery shopping, calling a friend, or watching a show. There’s gotta be something I can do with this time.

But there’s something special about being bored.

James Clear shared this quote in a recent newsletter…

Sometimes it takes 5 minutes to get bored and other times it takes 4 hours.

On Sunday, boredom led me to my new favorite coffee shop, Simona’s. I spent the day working, reading, writing, and planning my week. Yesterday, when I sat down to write this newsletter, I had no idea what to write about.

I sat in the rooftop garden of the Central Library downtown and for 25 minutes stared at a blank page. I went through the notes on my iPhone, thought about what I did over the last few weeks, and just looked around at the people around me.

I thought to myself that I was wasting time. It’s been 25 minutes and I haven’t made any progress. But I realized that while there were no words on the page, I was making progress. I was allowing myself to be bored. I was filtering out the common ideas until I came to something that excited me. My uncommon idea…the idea that sparked this newsletter.

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As a goal oriented person, I’m still working through where this concept of not knowing and boredom fits in my life. Part of me enjoys putting things on the calendar. I like having things to look forward to and work towards. The other part loves the freedom of a wide open calendar and not knowing where it will take me.

But what I do know is that it’s ok to not know. It’s ok to be bored. It’s ok to not have plans.

I’m now proud when I get to announce that I don’t have any plans this upcoming weekend.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew

P.S. Today I talked about not knowing on a small scale regarding plans for the weekend but I think this applies to a larger scale too. How to think about having a 3 or 5 year vision but not knowing exactly what it will look like or how to get there? I will dig into that in another newsletter.