Join or Die: Joining a Club Could Save Your Life

Read time: 5 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives Friday Edition where I share insights from the brightest minds in business and life and how I'm applying them to my life.

On Wednesday night, I went to an in-person screening of the film Join or Die.

A film about why you should join a club…

…and why the fate of America depends on it.

The film documents the increasing trend of isolation in our country and highlights the value of community as a contributing factor to the solution.

This topic of community has been on the top of my mind with my current work:

1. I'm helping my client Matt Choi launch an online Challenge Community: we are hosting monthly wellness challenges that will help people push themselves outside of their comfort zones.

2. I’m planning a retreat to gather interesting people to participate in a physical activity and create space for ideas & reflection.

3. I have recently been active in finding communities in Austin with people who have shared interests with me. I attend a weekly run club, monthly writing club, and monthly meetup for fans of one of my favorite podcasts

So when I came across this event on Twitter, I immediately signed up.

Here are 3 takeaways from my film meetup:

1. The number of Americans who gather together has steadily declined since 1960

The documentary focuses on Robert Putnam, a famous Harvard social scientist. He first was triggered to begin researching this trend around 1980 when he heard an interesting stat from a friend who owned a local bowling alley.

He learned that more people had started bowling but the owner was making less money. Why? Because they make money off sales of beer and food, not the actual bowling. It turned out that people were bowling by themselves and not in social groups or leagues. So nobody was buying drinks or food.

This led Robert to dig further and find this trend was happening across the country. And it wasn’t just bowling….

The number of dinner parties people hosted had declined.

The number of club meetings had declined.

The number of parents participating in the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) had declined.

Even churches, synagogues, and mosques were losing members.

In 2000, Putnam published his book Bowling Alone which outlined this crisis and made suggestions on what we could do about it. Unfortunately, 20+ years went by and nothing changed.

2. Technology impacts loneliness

Putnam found television and technology were taking over people’s lives and keeping them at home.

People started watching Friends on TV instead of making friends in real life. I've heard lots of people talk about how most young adult men don’t have anyone in their lives who they feel like they can talk to. They have friends to shoot the shit and talk sports with but not anyone to open up with and be completely vulnerable.

Then Covid really escalated things when everything went online. We were forced to stay inside and only engage through our computer screens. The stories are endless of young children who are struggling to engage with other kids in school because they just don’t know how.

One way to turn around this trend is to use the power of technology to create and promote community. Many of the in-person meet ups I've attended in Austin have been because I saw them advertised online.

I'm also part of several online communities where I can engage in forums with people, jump on weekly Zoom calls to discuss topics, and then attend in-person events throughout the year. The key is using the online platform to connect people and get them into an offline setting.

3. Become a joiner or a host

The film encourages us to become a joiner. Go to the PTA meeting or local run club. Join that intramural sports team or book club that your friend has been asking you to join.

And if there’s no community for what you are interested in, then start it! Hosting actually gives you 10x the benefits without having to do much extra work than just showing up.

Nick Gray, who attended this meetup, wrote a book called The 2 Hour Cocktail Party that gives a step-by-step playbook on how to host great meetups or parties. He is famous for it here in Austin. A lot of his stuff sounds cheesy at first but it works. Name tags, ice breakers, and intentional rotations between small groups when done correctly foster genuine connections and community.

In our discussion after the film ended, Nick encouraged us to start small with just a few friends who share a common interest. Find a place, set a time and go for it. If you follow his process for creating a positive experience then people will tell others and it will grow.

He made some great points and got me excited about wanting to host my own events:

• Everyone wants to talk with the host: introverts like me can have people come up to me vs having to start conversations myself

• You become a leader: I’m always looking to improve my leadership skills as they translate to everything in life

• Opportunities start to flow to you: new friends, business opportunities, invites to interesting events or even dates will become more frequent

Final Thoughts

I almost didn’t show up to this event. I had a long day of meetings. I was tired and sore. I had to do last minute prep for my Ironman race. But I showed up and so glad I did. I left feeling inspired and with dozens of ideas on how to get involved in joining and building communities.

Sometimes going to socialize and meet people at an event is the last thing you want to do after a long day, but..

How can you make joining a community fun?

How can you incorporate it into your daily life?

What is something you are doing each week that isn't serving you and that you can substitute for a club meeting?

Isolation and loneliness are serious. Go join something!

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew