In a Rut

Read time: 3 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has improved an aspect of my life.

You ever have those days (or stretches) where the smallest things just set you off?

That was me on Monday.

I showed up to yoga hoping to clear my head. Instead, I found myself biting my tongue as the teacher went on about Mondays…

“Today is just such a Monday, isn’t it? Everything about it feels like a Monday.”

I was like what are you talking about, lady?

Why do you keep referring to the day like it’s some shared feeling we’re all supposed to understand?

Then came the fluttering lips. Over and over, she had the entire class buzzing like horses trying to shoo away flies. I wanted to scream: What is wrong with you people?

Then I got frustrated at the class itself. She had us doing balancing poses I’d never heard of and complex movements. I didn’t want to learn new things. I wanted my basic vinyasa flow so I could get out of my head and into my body.

But I couldn’t settle.

Eventually, I just laid down on my back in the middle of class and tried to tune everything out.

I’ve done dozens of yoga classes where those exact things never bothered me. 

But Monday was not my day.

I went to sleep still in a funk. Still in my head.

And at 2:30 AM, I was wide awake.

Tossing. Turning. Flipping the pillow to find the “cool” side. Debating whether to just give up and go downstairs to the sofa. Maybe start working.

The NY Strip and red wine I had at dinner (while delicious) weren’t helping as my stomach felt off, and my mind was racing with thoughts:

I’m behind on client work. I need to make that car appointment. I still haven’t scheduled my bloodwork. And what the hell am I even working toward right now?

Am I building the right business? Should I be doing something else? Is my time going to the right things?

I eventually fell asleep, but only for a few hours.

By Tuesday morning, I skipped my 8 AM workout. Sleepwalked through my meetings. And the spiral continued.

Over those 48 hours, I’d taken maybe 4,000 steps total. Barely left the house and I couldn’t get out of my head.

I knew I needed something to break the pattern. Something to help me reset.

So I told myself: Just get to the gym. Get in your body.

And I had every excuse not to go:

• I’m behind on work.

• I only slept four hours last night.

• I’d get home late and eat a late dinner.

• I’ve done this coach’s class before and didn’t like it.

But I knew I needed to change my state.

So I went.

And at first, everything I feared showed up. 

The coach was making jokes about how we all need to get 6 pack abs (not my vibe). The class was overbooked. I like small group sessions with 10 to 12 people max. But more and more folks trickled in late. By the time we finished the warmup, there were over 20 people in the room. That meant less personal attention and more waiting for equipment.

But I kept reminding myself: You’re here. Just be present. Just get a good workout in.

And that’s exactly what I did.

One of the blocks was a 12-minute circuit: 10 kettlebell gorilla rows and 10 pushups every two minutes. Whatever time was left in those two minutes, you got to rest. Six rounds total.

By the third round, my arms were toast. I was struggling to finish the sets. My breath was heavy. My heart was racing.

And for the first time in two days, I wasn’t thinking about my car. Or work. Or the dreaded needle that would be going into my arm later in the week.

I didn’t have the energy to overthink. I had to focus on the next rep. On my breath. On beating the timer.

And that shift of getting out of my head and into my body was huge.

I walked out of that gym lighter. I ate a good dinner. Got to bed early. Slept for eight solid hours. And carried that momentum into Wednesday.

It was a great reminder that when the spiral starts, I need to disrupt the pattern.

It doesn’t always have to be a workout. Sometimes it’s a long walk. Sometimes if it’s a more intense spiral I need to get out of town or change my routine entirely.

This time all it took was a less than ideal workout.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew