I've been ignoring one of my core values for 4 months

Read time: 5 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives Tuesday Tale, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has helped improve an aspect of my life.

I moved back to Austin in January to surround myself with the active, entrepreneurial, and outdoorsy community of people who live here. 

Weekdays at 5 PM, the Lady Bird Lake trail is shoulder-to-shoulder with runners, walkers, and bikers. At least 20 different run clubs meet all across the city and there are entrepreneurial meetups every night of the week. No shortage of opportunities for me to meet my people.

Once I decided to move here, I’d tell my friends and family “There’s always something going on in Austin. I’m going to find the activities I enjoy doing, show up to the events, and meet like-minded people”.

But after two months in Austin, I never went to a single one of these gatherings. Instead, I would make excuses:

There are so many, I don’t know which one to go to.

I need to focus on getting my work done first.

I’m not in the mood to socialize and rather just run by myself.

And my #1 excuse…

They meet every week, I’ll just go next week.

A focus on dating

While I wasn’t going to these meetups, I did what every single guy in their 20s does: start swiping on the dating apps. This quickly turned into a numbers game. I’d swipe right on 50 women, match with 10, have conversations fizzle out with 9, and go on a first date with 1.

This played out with Megan. All I knew was she loved dogs and went to Penn St. We met up at Lazarus Brewery on a Wednesday night and shared stories about traveling across Europe and why we moved to Austin. That led to a walk around Lady Bird Lake a few days later where we chatted about work and our upcoming travel plans. We had nice conversations but nothing made me excited to see her again. I guess she felt the same because that was the last time we talked. 

This cycle repeated a handful of times, when one day I told my buddy “There’s gotta be a better way. These drink dates are awkward. I’d be more comfortable doing an activity I enjoy and meeting someone naturally versus forcing it.”

Here I am again, knowing that I want to meet people more naturally and telling someone that I’m going to do it.

Another month goes by with no action…

Taking time to reflect

April rolls around. On most Sundays, I review my goals, my vision, and my values. Then, I reflect on the previous week to see if they are in alignment with what I actually did the week before.

On April 21st, as I was doing my review, I read one of my core values and a question I left for myself: 

Authenticity - Am I aligned in what I think, say, and do?

I sunk into my chair. For months, I was telling myself that I wanted to go to meetups doing activities that I enjoyed. I was telling my family and friends that was how I planned on meeting new people. But I never did it. I wasn’t living authentically.

I decided on the spot that there were no more excuses. I was making this a priority.

Finally checking out a run club

3 months ago, my friend told me about a New York run club that has a chapter in Austin. They only post the details of the run on Instagram (great start for the guy that hates IG). 

Cooldown running: Wednesday night 5 mile easy run with drinks after.

I put it in my calendar. 

30 min before the run, I checked out their profile to confirm the location and noticed their tagline is “a social club disguised as a run club” and the most recent post had the caption “apparently run clubs are the new dating apps”.

What am I getting myself into?

It was too late to back out, I was going. I head over to the meeting spot at a bar near downtown. As I walk up, I hear lots of commotion from the side parking lot and turn to see a rainbow of LuluLemon attire and dudes with backward hats. There had to be over 150 people there.

I stop in my tracks.

Maybe it was because I was intimidated.

Or maybe it was because my goal was to meet like-minded people who enjoy running and this didn’t feel like the place to do that. This looked like a bunch of people who showed up because it was the cool thing to do and they could add it to their Instagram story.

I walked past the massive group and ran 5 miles on my own.

Back to the drawing board. I remembered another friend had mentioned a different group called Endorphins. 

When I looked them up online, I found a free online community where everyone creates a profile and the hosts make weekly announcements and provide running tips. Their next run was a 5 mile loop scheduled for Monday at 6:30 AM. Already a much better start.

My guess is the type of person that shows up for a 6:30 AM Monday run at a coffee shop is probably different from a person that shows up for a 6:30 PM Wednesday run at a bar.

Run club round 2

It’s 6:25 AM. I park my car. I walk up to the coffee shop meeting spot to see 12 people stretching and chatting. I introduce myself to one of the guys and within a few minutes, the host walks over and asks if this is my first time.

I immediately get good vibes. The manageable number of people, the welcoming environment, and the relaxed nature of the group is exactly what I’m looking for.

I start the run next to Lou. He’s a real estate investor who owns multiple Airbnb’s around the city and started an interior design company with his girlfriend. Lou hadn’t run in a while so when he got stuck on a hill, I start chatting with Maria. She is a yoga instructor at the studio I used to take classes at. She recently recovered from a skiing injury and is training for a 3 day trail run through the Canadian Rockies. We finish up the run and I connected with Josh, who admits to being out of shape but credits this group for motivating him to show up every Monday morning.

Throughout the entire run, I was present, I was having fun, and I was relaxed. I resonated with those folks and being my authentic self left me feeling energized.

Now when I compare that to my first dates where I’m always thinking about my next move, I’m nervous, and I overanalyze the situation… It’s no wonder I leave those feeling drained.

It took 3.5 months but I finally took action, and I proved to myself that I’m happiest when there is alignment in what I think, say, and do.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew