Doing Hard Things

Read time: 5 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives Tuesday Tale, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has helped improve an aspect of my life.

Dan believes hardships are normal.

He dealt with the passing of his mother while he was only a teenager. He moved to a new country where he didn’t speak the language. He battled disagreements with the mother of his child. He lost $200K in revenue for his business overnight.

In the midst of repeated turmoil, he began searching for a way out.

He needed to find a way to mentally cope with the hardships he was experiencing. Instead of focusing on the difficult circumstances he was dealt, he decided to choose his own hard. He turned to endurance races.

It started with a marathon. Then an ultramarathon. Then a spartan race. Then a spartan race while carrying someone on his back.

He found a new version of pain to distract him from his initial pain.

Dan was no longer stress eating family sized bags of M&Ms each night. He was waking up at 4:30 AM to train. He was in the best shape of his life.

Once one race ended, he signed up for the next one. No matter how hot the summer sun was or how bad his shin splints hurt, you could find him outside running. He persevered through his business and relationship struggles by having an outlet in fitness.

But what started out as a helpful coping mechanism turned into an unhealthy obsession. Training for a personal best in his next race was all that mattered. He wasn’t paying attention to his relationships or focusing on growing his business. What helped him through hardship was now causing new hardships.

Am I heading down the same path as Dan?

As I listened to Dan tell his story this morning, I couldn’t help but compare myself to him.

I recently went through some hardships. I recently started racing triathlons and marathons. Why am I doing these hard things? Is it taking over my life? Is this pain I’m choosing to endure healthy or unhealthy?

I decided to reflect on it.

Why am I doing these hard things?

At first, I saw myself in Dan and assumed I must have started using these races as a way to turn my hardships into something positive.

But when I dug further, my endurance racing journey started before my hardships hit 2 years ago. I ran my first Sprint triathlon in 2019. Then a few years later I raced my first Olympic distance triathlon. Last year I mixed in a few half marathons and this year I did my first Ironman 70.3.

I didn’t go from nothing to needing to run a full marathon.

I continued to sign up for the next race because I genuinely enjoyed the training, I enjoyed the race atmosphere. I loved challenging myself mentally and physically.

Being a triathlete and runner became part of my identity.

Is it taking over my life?

Yes, every weekend in April and May consisted of a 2+ hour Saturday bike ride and 1+ hour Sunday run. Every Wednesday you would find me at the YMCA for 3 hours where I’d swim 80 laps, hop in the sauna for 25 minutes, and ride the bike for 80 minutes. Any spare minute laying around the house was spent with the Thera gun in hand massaging my muscles.

That was a 4-6 week stretch where yes training for that race took over my life.

But that’s all it was. A 4-6 week stretch. A season of my year where I prioritized my mental and physical health to attempt a challenging goal. I didn’t let it go beyond that. The fact that my road bike has yet to be unpacked from its travel bag is proof. In the months since, I’ve allowed myself to recover and prioritize other aspects of my life.

Is this pain I’m choosing to endure healthy or unhealthy?

I think it comes down to the intention behind the pain.

I initially signed up for my first triathlon back in 2019 because I wanted some motivation to stick to a workout routine. My intrinsic goal was to become a healthier, more active person. The race was a source of accountability to help me become that person.

James Clear calls this framework identity based habits in his book Atomic Habits.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but with each race I signed up for, I was choosing to identify as a triathlete. Someone who consistently swims, bikes, and runs. Every time I showed up for a workout was a small vote of confidence for my identity as a triathlete. Each workout itself was not fun. The early morning swims in the cold pool were not fun. Not being able to walk from soreness was not fun. But in the aggregate seeing my progress over time and finishing my races was a blast.

This to me is healthy pain.

Alternatively, take the person who goes through a major breakup and decides a few weeks later to sign up for a marathon. They just want to accomplish something positive, check it off their bucket list, and be done. This to me signals the potential for unhealthy pain. This person does not identify as a runner. They are looking at this marathon as a distraction and put themselves at risk of doing whatever it takes to accomplish the goal even if it’s to the extreme (severe injury, ignoring their emotions, etc.)

Final Thoughts

Dan realized that there are seasons for doing hard things and that self reflection is necessary to make sure you are not taking them to the extreme. He now does 2-3 hard things per year and is aware of their impact on the other parts of his life.

My big realization from today was in my identities.

When people used to ask me if I was a runner, I would quickly say “I run a little, but I’m not a runner”. I didn’t see myself as a stereotypical runner.

But now I own it when people ask if I’m a runner because I have realized that is just one small part of my identity. I am also an entrepreneur, a writer, a caring friend, a thoughtful brother / son, a scrappy basketball player, and many other things.

We can get ourselves into trouble when our entire identity is tied to one thing. Because that one thing can go away in the blink of an eye. An injury, a sickness, or a number of things could cause me to never be able to run again.

Part of my identity is someone who does hard things and I’m grateful for hearing Dan’s story as a reminder of how to not let it become extreme.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew