Attempt #2 on the Story about the Corporate Bully

Read time: 10 minutes

Welcome to The Ascend Archives Tuesday Tale, a weekly newsletter where I share a story about a transformation, revelation, or change in thinking that has helped improve an aspect of my life.

Hey there -

You might have noticed you’re getting the Tuesday Tale on a Wednesday.

3 weeks ago, I published a story about an old boss. As I was hitting send, I knew I had rushed it. But I had committed to publishing every Tuesday and Friday. Instead of taking the time to improve the quality, I opted to stick to that schedule.

Less than 2 hours after publishing, my feeling was validated when a few of you reached out with constructive feedback. The story was confusing and included unnecessary information, so I took it off my website.

Today, I’m sharing an updated version. I tried to hone in on the key lesson and make sure every sentence helped guide the reader to that lesson. I’m a day late in publishing, but I feel much better about hitting send.

Thank you Jeremy, for working with me to drastically improve this piece!

Hope y’all enjoy!

Preparing for the call

I’m 5 minutes away from having to tell a dictator “No”.

I spent the last hour rehearsing exactly what I'm going to say. My reputation in the company is going to be ruined if he doesn’t take this well. All I have to do is tell my boss that I no longer want to be a part of his team.

But something is making this situation more difficult than it should be.

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Enduring work with Mike

This boss (we'll call him Mike) was the head of a department at my company.

Mike wanted things done his way and his way only. One Friday afternoon, my manager presented Mike a report. The 30 minute meeting turned into a 2.5 hour lecture on everything we did wrong and exactly how it should be changed. Oh, and it needed to be fixed by Monday morning.

A few weeks later, I could see the bags under my manager’s eyes on Zoom meetings. He couldn’t take it anymore. Between the work environment and a newborn baby at home, it was no surprise when he announced he was quitting.

It was 2021 post-COVID when every Fortune 500 company was hiring consultants like crazy to help them figure out the "new way of working". We were already understaffed, so it was a next-man-up mentality. After 2 months of barely talking to Mike, I took on more responsibility and began interacting with him daily.

I came prepared to meetings, asked good questions, and delivered high quality work on time. He knew I was working above my pay grade.

6 months into the project, I was nearing the end of my 3-year rotational program at the company. I had to decide which department I wanted to join for the next phase of my career. After I considered the people, the subject matter, and the current work environment, I knew I needed to leave Mike’s department for one I had previously worked in.

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Show Time

I dial into the call and get ready to read my script. But before I could say anything, Mike jumps in: “Andrew, what were you up to this weekend?! How are things with the project going?”

Taken back by his sudden interest in my life, I fumble over my words with a brief answer letting him know things are good.

“Andrew, I really respect your attitude and am impressed with your ability to take on more responsibility, especially with [my manager] leaving.

I see you easily getting promoted to manager by the end of the year. You will have me in your corner when promotion time comes around.

I know the project has gotten boring over the past few months, but we have some exciting initiatives coming up that I think you’d be great for. You let me know which ones interest you most and we’ll get you set up there to run the show.”

My mind is racing and pits are sweating.

Fast track to manager? No other partner had promised me that before.

Was working with Mike really that bad? I never had any personal problems with him.

Option to work on whatever I wanted? There were a few real estate related topics that could be of interest to me.

Mike pauses, “So what do you think? What role do you want moving forward?”

My mind is trying to do the quick napkin math equivalent of answering all these questions on the spot about my future.

Do I stick to my previous decision or take this new offer?

I take a deep breath.

“Thank you Mike for the kind words. I’ve learned a lot from this project and while I appreciate the offer, I have decided joining a different department is best for my career right now.”

Silence.

More silence.

30 seconds pass.

"Well, if that’s really how you feel then fuck you".

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Final Thoughts

Out of all the scenarios I ran in my head leading up to that call, getting told "fuck you" was not one of them.

I can only control my own thoughts and actions, not the thoughts and actions of others. It didn’t matter how long I prepped for this call, I was never going to change Mike’s reaction.

When I focus only on what I can control, difficult conversations become easier.

This applies to my personal relationships too.

Two years after this situation with Mike, I noticed myself frustrated seeing a close person in my life continuously not act on their word.

Previously, I would have kept my thoughts to myself in fear of how they might react or how it could affect our relationship. But keeping my thoughts to myself wouldn’t do us any good either.

So I brought up how I was feeling respectfully and let them know I was there to support them. That’s all I could do, the rest was on them. They thanked me for my transparency and have since taken steps in the right direction.

A conversation is only difficult when I build it up in my head. However, when I focus on what I can control, these conversations feel like typical conversations. But they’re not. They are moments that bring me closer to my goals and improve my relationships. All because I speak up and say my truth without overanalyzing the situation.

Thank you for reading! As always please reply and let me know what resonated, what didn’t, or what you question. I love chatting about this stuff!

Cheers,

Andrew